I think there is something we all appreciate about sitting down and having a cup of coffee or tea. You know what I think it may be? You're fully there while you're having it. Ah sure, you may like the taste or maybe it wakes you up or warms your heart but it also is an act that brings you into that moment, fully.
There are a lot of things that humans do that bring us into the present moment. Vacation! It isn't just that we aren't tethered to our regular duties and life, we are brought into the present via being in unknown territory--- there is an added awareness and thirst for newness in the moment as you are on holiday.
Sex! Oh yes, definitely sex. How could you not be in the moment when you are connected deeply physically and hopefully emotionally with the person whom you are being intimate with. At least it certainly was meant to be this way, sometimes these things of beauty are replaced with distortions and supplications.
Oh the result, childbirth! In spite of the blinding pain, I was still very much present and aware for the birth of all 3 of my children. These experiences though alike in definition, they were vastly different in experience and what a wonderful experience all 3 were.
We spend a lot of time avoiding the present. We do and have a lot of things that remove us from the present. The trouble is, we act like we have all this time-- don't we? We'd often rather being doing something else. Or we're picking up, distracting and spacing out in order to avoid things that we need to pay attention to.
It's a daily practice and sometimes a daily fight to be present, it is especially the case while on this healing journey. The temptation is always there is turn away from an emotion or something I am feeling but at the same time, I know this is why I am doing this, so I can heal it. Dear gods do I ever want to, because I know and understand that I am changing the very fabric of my ancestral blanket! I am bringing light and love to places that has never seen or experienced either. I am the mother I needed. I am the sister I needed, the aunt-- the sage, the oracle, the seer and one day the crone and grandmother. I have come to light up my corner of the world.
One of my deepest desires now is to experience life as it is, not filtered through a bunch of trauma responses and pain. That isn't living, that's waiting for the next disaster and thinking that nearly everything that comes my way is in fact said disaster, oh but maybe it's a wolf cloaked in a sheep suit? What if they hurt me? What if it goes terribly wrong and is even worse than the last time? What if what if what if??? It's crazy making! This isn't living. And so many are out there living like this, it's a terribly scary, fearful world like this. I get it. This wasn't the degree to which I had felt of my own despair but trauma is subjective, like anything else. It is deeply personal and an individual experience.
Presence actually heals the pain. Avoidance walks on broken legs. It only gets worse though its often buried when you're avoiding it and it will manifest some time down the road in a way that will stop you whether you want to stop or not. Presence brings about enjoyment after the rains come through. Avoidance holds you in the storm and adds to your misery.
Not to hand out bumper stickers today but the only pathway to healing is head on, through the pain and discomfort. Presence is where life is, that's why the times and places we were completely and utterly present, these are the events that dot our memories as some of our fondest memories. We felt it. We felt it all to our core. We lived and we knew it. xx
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